If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
