My balls are so social today.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
