woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
