he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
