I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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