I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
