he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
