He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
