I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
