the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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