Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize