Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
