Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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