you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
