after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
