I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
