According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
