Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
