remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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