What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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