His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
