There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
