I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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