I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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