I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
