sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
