oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
