I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize