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• (804): View more from Virginia

  just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Missed another period

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him

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• (281): View more from Texas

  It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there

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• (972): View more from Texas

  I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.

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