Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
