I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
