Swine flu. Run for my life!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
