forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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