Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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