Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
