shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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