Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
