There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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