I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
