I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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