No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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