I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
