i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
