She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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