I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
