Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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