you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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