I molested 6 butterflies tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
