She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
