WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
