i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the room spins SO much faster in panama
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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