I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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