I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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