so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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