The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
