I heard we made out
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize