She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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