I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
