it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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