Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
