i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
