My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
