She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
