is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
