just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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