im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
